cockatiel with cardboard box

Day 313: Pearl Cutts in The Big Bird Box

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Being born covered in soft fetching feathers can definitely give you a wing up on the competition when it comes to winning coveted feature roles.

But it can’t always protect you from filmmakers’ omissions and inaccuracies.

For example, there may be times when you are starring in a new play and you notice the title doesn’t match the content.

There is no more heinous oversight in “the biz” than this – because ultimately, it is the fans that suffer.

Let’s say you agree to star in a new screenplay called “The Big Bird Box.” But then after you get on set, you discover there are no birds anywhere in it!

Disaster.

Luckily, even though the filmmakers are unlikely to realize it, their smart choice in casting inadvertently results in hiring the most (allegedly) legendary pint-sized super spy in the business.

If anyone can rectify this injustice and remedy the oversight, it is .007.

Love & Feathers (& Shells) is pleased to present famous and feathery actor Pearl Cutts in his latest one-avian play:

“The Big Bird Box”

The line has been lengthening for days now. It is all the boxes. Stacked up like square brown dominoes on the sidewalk, the fans refuse to give way for any pedestrian out of fear of losing their place in the line.

Meanwhile, more than a few confused USPS drivers can be seen circling the block once, twice, three times….so many packages out for pick-up, yet no one is sure which pickups are on whose routes!

The confusion simply worsens when the many waiting packages can suddenly be seen to pick themselves up, up, up off the ground and….walk….on legs, no less….into an even larger brown box-like structure, which appears to have somehow grown doors.

For some of the newer drivers, it is all too much. Before long they have abandoned their vehicles at the curb and joined the line, fellow boxes on legs marching inside the boxy brown theater to catch the newest feature.

cockatiel with cardboard box
Well, I say. This is most peculiar. I got a call about a “bird box” and I came.
cockatiel plays with cardboard box
And yet I don’t see a bird anywhere in here. No sign of feathers whatsoever.
cockatiel brown nesting box
I’ll just have a closer look….see what there is to be seen.
cockatiel climbs into box
This is all highly irregular. .007 will leave no box unturned to get to the bottom of the mystery!
cockatiel with cardboard box
Oh hello, “Mom.” Take this top secret classified message to the screenwriter. “There. stop. Are. stop. No. stop. Birds. stop. Here. stop.”
cockatiel stands by cardboard box
Yes I will be lodging a formal complaint with the screenwriters guild. If they are going to title a screenplay “The Big Bird Box” it should have a bird in it!

As the curtains draw together, the line to exit the theater becomes less of a line and more of a traffic jam.

Reason being, each fan has now removed their box costume and is busy peering around inside to see if there are any birds in there.

Finding none, mass consternation ensues. Soon all the inbound phone lines to the screenwriters guild are jammed up tight as fans dial and redial in an attempt to lodge their complaints.

The End.

 

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