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Living with a large shell-less assistant can be interesting, to say the least.
They have so many strange ideas. And they really don’t know how to have fun.
For example, every so often your shell-less assistant schedules you for a shared activity she calls “visiting the v.e.t.”
When you see this activity on the daily calendar, you know you still haven’t managed to cross the interspecies communication barrier to let her know this isn’t fun for you.
If she wants to share an activity with you, how about a romp through the backyard lettuce garden or an exploration of that great dark leafy damp area behind your grandmother’s ginger plants!
But no. So off to the v.e.t. (as if spelling it out makes your destination any less obvious) you go, crammed into whatever supersized yet surprisingly un-spacious accommodation she has managed to scrounge up for you this week.
The moment you arrive, the scary large shell-less being in the white lab coat immediately dumps you out of your accommodation and onto an unattractive flat surface he calls a “scale.” Next, he commences to peering at it while muttering something deeply uninteresting about “tortoise growth projections.”
You just sit there, of course – maybe if you stay very still, the white coat will get so involved in documenting your visit he will forget you are even there!
But no such luck. After getting picked up, turned over, turned over again, poked and prodded in all sorts of (frankly) unacceptable ways and from practically every angle, the v.e.t. finally releases you back to your mommy without so much as a thank you or – seriously – a tasty consolation prize.
Then back into your accommodation you go for the return trip home.
And this is when things finally have the potential to get good.
Once you get home again, by activating “maximum cuteness,” you can usually get your mommy to serve you just about any snack you want, hand-fed no less, along with extended shell scratches, for being such a big brave girl.
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