Posted on

Day 296: Quick to the Shred

In featherless culture, being “quick on the draw” basically means you can grab your weapon faster than the other guy can grab his.

Here, a featherless being called "Clint" casually waits to see how fast his opponent can "draw."
Here, a featherless being called “Clint” casually waits to see how fast his opponent can “draw.”

Of course, such awkward and artificial self defense measures are only necessary because featherless beings lack certain natural advantages (namely a beak, wings, and claws).

But when you have feathers, there is no need to “draw” anything as a sign of strength because you are naturally fearsome.

Rather, you can just show yourself and your prey will quickly become frozen in fear.

Then you can finish the job with your signature technique: “quick to the shred.”

Oh, so you think you're a tough guy, eh?
Oh good. This prey already looks frozen in fear.
Mom, check this out!
Sure, Mom, you can take a “pre-shred” press photo of me and the prey. It’s not going anywhere.
With this kind of victim, I like to employ the "beak" as my weapon of choice.
With this kind of victim, I always like to employ the “beak” as my weapon of choice.
I will just continue shredding in a straight downward motion.
I will just continue my shredding in a straight downward motion.
Now I will angle my beak a bit to the right.....
Now I will angle my beak a bit to the right…..
And now a bit to the left....
And now a bit to the left….
A quick pause to check my progress....
A quick pause to admire my handiwork….
And now for the final "Shred o' Death" (one of my signature moves).
And now for the final “Shred o’ Death.”
To the victor goes the spoils.
To the victor goes the spoils.
Do you hear me? I am the Victor. V.I.C.T.O.R.
Do you hear me? I am the VICTOR. You are the SPOILS.  Now wait here and my large featherless assistant will escort you to the cylindrical holding cell where my other prisoners are staying.

Author: Shannon Cutts
Co-Author: Pearl Cutts

2 thoughts on “Day 296: Quick to the Shred

  1. Ahh yes, the great cylindrical holding cell gets a lot of use in our house too!

    1. Haha – and thank goodness for such a great storage resource! 🙂

We <3 comments!