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Day 301: Guarding Breakfast

Every day hordes of hungry fans turn to the same (feathery) place for tips and techniques on how to guard their breakfast from poachers.

Luckily, regardless of species (furred, featherless, or – gasp! – even fledged), the basic fundamentals remain the same.

In a word: “Intimidation.”

The more intimidated the poacher is by the guarder, the less likely your breakfast is to end up on someone else’s plate.

Here, the expert guarder teaches a rare course on “Guarding Breakfast.”

The first step is to hunt something tasty (if it isn't delicious, it's probably not worth guarding).
The first step is to hunt something tasty (if it isn’t delicious, it’s probably not worth guarding).
Yes, this looks quite crunchy and scrumptious - I'll have some for my breakfast.
Yes, this looks quite crunchy and scrumptious – I’ll have some for my breakfast.
Uh oh. My featherless assistant just walked in. She looks hungry too.
Uh oh. My featherless assistant just walked in. She looks hungry too. Time for a lesson in “guarding by intimidation.”
When you are lucky enough to already be fierce and feathery, often a glare is intimidating enough to scare off the poacher.
When you are lucky enough to already be fierce and feathery, often a glare is intimidating enough to scare off the poacher.
"Nonchalance" is also a good technique - as in, "that poacher is so puny I have no reason to be guarding and nothing to guard."
“Nonchalance” is also a good technique – as in, “Guarding? Who’s guarding?”
Preening while sitting on the dish is also effective for two reasons: 1) It's like "nonchalance" on steroids, 2) Depositing feathers onto your meal is a clear demonstration of ownership.
Preening while sitting on the dish is also effective for two reasons: 1) It’s like “nonchalance” on steroids; 2) Oddly, garnishing your breakfast with feathers seems to make some poachers less keen to nab it away from you.
(This is for the beginning "guarders") Just whatever you do, don't use "prettiness." This will only draw the poacher in closer!
(This is for the beginning “guarders” only!) Just whatever you do, don’t use “cuteness” as a guarding technique. This will only draw the poacher in closer!

Author: Shannon Cutts
Co-Author: Pearl Cutts

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