312: Waffle Guarding 101

There is nothing like the sight of soft, fluffy feathers to send the paparazzi into a flashbulb-popping frenzy.

While this can have its advantages (fame, fortune, the slavish devotion of an ever-expanding horde of large featherless minions), there are often some drawbacks as well.

Chief among these is the increased level of difficulty with guarding scrumptious delicacies.

Not only do your minions want to adopt your habits, mannerisms, and personal style….they also want to eat what you eat.

A celebrity has to draw the line somewhere.

This brief, focused course (taught by a master celebrity “guarder”) is designed for still up-and-coming feathery celebrities who need to quickly master the basics of guarding delicacies.

Start out strong. Climb right onto the delicacy. Grip it with your claws and look grumpy.
Start out strong. Climb right onto the delicacy. Grip it firmly with your claws and look grumpy.
If that doesn't stop the minions from advancing, look down at the delicacy like you are just noticing it for the first time. Try to radiate confusion (here think "I didn't order this!?")
If that doesn’t stop the minions from advancing, look down at the delicacy like you are just noticing it for the first time. Try to radiate confusion (here, think “I didn’t order this!?”)
If they keep moving forward, suddenly "remember" your devotion for the delicacy and gaze at it with adoration (this should make your minions so jealous they will pause without even realizing it!)
If they still keep moving forward, suddenly gaze at the delicacy with rapt adoration (this should make your minions so jealous they will pause in their tracks without even realizing it!)
If all else fails, fall back to your last resort weapon, "Cuteness." Your minions will be so smitten they will forget all about the delicacy you are guarding.
If all else fails, you can fall back to your failsafe weapon of last resort, “Cuteness.” Your minions will be so smitten they will forget all about wanting to join you for lunch.

Author: Shannon Cutts
Co-Author: Pearl Cutts

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